When I was a child I had a friend. My friend had a weird uncle! The guy was creepy, weird, scary and did the crazy things that uncles do in crazy times. We avoided him like the plague!
Soon, I realized that another of my friends had a weird uncle. I know -- two! What are the odds?
Again, soon, I realized one of my uncles was weird. I was beginning to wonder what was up with uncles.
I began to realize that, as people, we are ALL on the ‘crazy scale!’ Some people are quite strange and some people only slightly strange, but we’re all on the crazy scale.
I think the same is true of the mistakes that we make. Some of us make mistakes that are very light. Some of us make many mistakes that are big! But all of us are on the scale.
Related Post: 5 Truths About Loving Difficult People
What is Grace?
The word “grace” is often misunderstood. Grace can mean someone who extends courteous goodwill to another, it can also mean elegance in movement, and it’s even used as an idiom to describe a short prayer before a meal. But when we’re defining God’s grace towards us as people, this sort of grace is a free, unmerited gift that bestows blessing and salvation on us – even when we don’t deserve it. So if we’re giving someone grace, we’re giving them forgiveness, blessing, or favor that they don’t deserve. We choose to offer them that grace despite what they’ve done to us.
What Does it Mean to Give Grace?
If you’ve ever wondered what it means to give someone grace, you’re not alone. So many of us are confused about the concept of giving grace because few of us have experienced grace ourselves. Giving someone grace means we extend forgiveness, blessing, or acceptance to someone who may not deserve it. This is easier said than done! As we learn to follow God better and turn to His Word to lead us, we become more like Him and are able to give grace to those we’re in relationship with.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32
We All Need Grace
We all need grace! We all need grace and forgiveness from God. We all need grace and forgiveness from each other. The great thing is that, because God is love, He has lots of grace to go around!
Since God has grace on us we also should have grace for one another. And as we grow as people and see our own need of grace it should be easy for us to see, and to give grace to others.
We Need Grace in Our Relationships
In my family, I pray for relationships all the time. Whenever several people with different personalities need to coexist, it’s necessary to have grace.
Pillars of Manifesting Grace in a Relationship
Growing in grace in your relationships is key to conflict resolution. We’ll provide clarity on the meaning of giving someone grace, giving yourself grace, and what it means to give grace in relationships.
What does it mean to give someone grace?
Many of you are searching, “giving someone grace meaning” on Google. The phrase “give someone grace” is a common statement, but what does it mean? Giving someone grace means showing someone kindness and forgiveness, even when they might not deserve it. As we learn to see those around us as people who God loves, even though they’re not perfect, giving grace will become easier.
However, the meaning of grace isn’t a free pass to sin. Giving grace and receiving grace empowers us and transforms us to be more kind, more loving, and ultimately, more like Jesus.
How Do I Grow in Giving Grace in Relationships?
Ever heard the phrase, “Practice makes perfect?” The same goes for growing in giving grace in relationships. Here are some simple steps to grow in giving grace towards those around you:
1. Active Listening & Understanding: Empathy is a key strategy to help you grow in giving grace, but how do you get there? Through active listening and doing everything in your power to hear what the other person is saying, you will be in a mindset that helps you give grace.
2. Choose Forgiveness: When you read the teachings of Jesus, you’ll find there’s no way around forgiveness. Even though Jesus was beaten, whipped, and mocked by the people he came to save, some of his last words were, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Forgiveness and giving grace are often silent and done in your mind or heart.
If your spouse or a friend does something that was frustrating, before bringing it up in conversation, make sure your heart is in the right place. You can whisper quietly or think in your mind, “Father, I choose to forgive them for what they did. Help me to see them the way you see them.”
Learn more about the topic of forgiveness in our blog: Finding Freedom Through Forgiveness
3. Choose Patience & Kindness: Giving grace in relationships is sometimes as simple as being nice. Remember the phrase, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” This is a fantastic way to grow in giving grace, and it’s a way to live out Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets" - Matthew 7:12
How Do I Give Myself Grace?
What does it mean to give yourself grace? It sounds great in theory, but how do you actually give yourself grace? Here are some of our simple, Biblical ways to grow in giving grace to yourself so that you can give grace to others:
1. Forgive yourself: This tool to help you grow in giving yourself grace may sound backward, but it’s actually a helpful and healing way to give yourself grace. God has already forgiven you of your sins, in full, past, present, and future. It even says in the Bible that he has separated your sin from you as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). When we’re holding grudges against ourselves and full of fear, that can add up and make our lives heavy.
When you confess your sins (1 John 1:9), God is faithful and just to forgive us. Sometimes, you need to be honest with God, let him know what you’re feeling, confess your sins, and receive his forgiveness, to then move forward and forgive yourself. God’s thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand (Psalm 139), and he does not want you living in fear, shame, or condemnation (Romans 8:1). Today is the day of freedom.
2. Take breaks: Did you know even God took a break from work? When’s the last time you took a break at work? What about taking some time to pause before bed and thank God for the day? We all need to take breaks during the day to thrive. Giving yourself grace looks like taking breaks during the day and incorporating a Sabbath into your weekly routine (Genesis 2:3).
3. Practice self-compassion: You know the Bible verse to love your neighbor as yourself? (Matthew 22:39) love your neighbor as yourself!) If we aren’t being kind to ourselves, taking care of ourselves, and practicing self-compassion, we aren’t going to be in a good place to love our neighbor as ourselves. Growing in giving yourself grace often looks like taking care of your needs and receiving the love of God, so that you can give love to others.
4. Remember to be grateful: Growing in giving yourself grace means being grateful for the small things and always keeping a posture of thanksgiving. Every day there is something to be grateful for, even if every day doesn’t feel like a home run. As you grow in giving yourself grace by being grateful, you’ll be in a great state of mind to love others well and follow in the ways of Jesus.
Learn more about gratitude in our blog: The Benefits of Gratitude
Giving Grace to Your Spouse:
Giving grace in relationships, especially grace to a significant other, can be difficult. Thankfully, as we follow our humble leader, Jesus, we are able to better love our spouse and give grace to one another in marriage. Giving grace in marriage can look like:
- Choosing not to nitpick or nag your spouse over little things.
- Trading a hypercritical eye for a perspective that assumes the best of your spouse. (Matthew 7:3)
- Choosing patience towards your significant other.
- Choosing to believe the best about your spouse.
- Treating your spouse the way you desire to be treated. (Luke 6:31)
Related Post: How Do I Know If We Should Get Married
Assume the Best Intentions of Other People
We tend to judge ourselves based on our good intentions, but judge others on their actions. However, we should try to assume other people’s best intentions.
In other words, when we get hurt, we can’t immediately assume the other person was trying to hurt us. Instead, we need to think of that person and the situation that were in, within the context that they love us. Would they deliberately and intentionally try to hurt you?
It's like the five word sentence: “I didn't kick my brother.”
It can mean all sorts of things!
First, focus on the word “I.” I didn't kick my brother. (I watched somebody else kick my brother!)
Second, “didn't.” I didn’t kick my brother. (I pinched him, pulled his hair, and punched him in the arm.)
Third, “kick.” I didn’t kick my brother. (I beat him up, but none of that was by kicking him.)
Fourth, “my.” I didn't kick my brother. (I kicked my friend’s brother!)
Fifth, “brother.” I didn’t kick my brother. (I kicked my sister!)
The sentence, “I didn’t kick my brother” can mean a variety of things!
It’s so easy to miscommunicate our intentions. It's so easy to assume bad things about how others have treated us. But often, it’s not true.
Treat Others How You Want to be Treated
When we’re in relationship with other people, we need to try and do as Jesus said. He said to treat others like we want to be treated.
He did not say to treat others as they have treated us! So if someone did us wrong - even if it was on purpose - we should treat them the way we want them to treat us.
This takes a lot of grace.
As we see ourselves in need of grace because of our mistakes, we should have lots of room in our hearts for others’ mistakes.
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. - Proverbs 19:11
Let us pray to God for grace for our mistakes. Let us love other people the way we want to be loved.
I really believe it's true that whatever a person sows, that is what they're going to reap. So give grace! It can come back around for us.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, we’re all a little bit weird, a little bit messy, and deeply in need of grace—both from God and from one another. Giving others grace and giving yourself grace is a gift that we get to give and receive. Whether you’re offering forgiveness to your spouse, choosing patience with a friend, or learning how to resolve conflict with a coworker, giving grace is a powerful way to reflect the love of Jesus every day. No matter where you are in your journey with God or giving grace in relationships, remember to give yourself grace every day. Because you’ve been freely given grace by God, you can freely give it to those around you. We can’t wait to hear about all that God does as you grow in giving grace in relationships.
Related blog: How Can I Love My Enemies? 10 Bible Verses on Forgiveness
